يبدو أن ليكراي مور كان يعيش حياة كاملة.
بحلول عام 2019 ، امتلك Lecrae ، بصفته فنانًا مسيحيًا لموسيقى الهيب هوب ، ثلاث جوائز جرامي وثلاث جوائز BET وسلة من جوائز Dove (المكافئ المسيحي لجائزة جرامي). أثبتت Reach Records ، وهي علامة بدأها مع صديقه Ben Washer ، نجاحها في حركة الهيب هوب المسيحية ، التي ساعد في ولادتها. كان ألبومه Anomaly لعام 2014 هو أول ألبوم هيب هوب مسيحي على الإطلاق يصل إلى المرتبة الأولى في Billboard 200 الرسوم البيانية ، وبعد ذلك وقع مع شركة Columbia Records لتعزيز وصوله. كتابه ، بلا خجل ، ظهرت في New York Times قائمة أفضل الكتب مبيعًا. غالبًا ما دعاه نجم الدوري الاميركي للمحترفين ستيفن كاري للتحدث إلى فريق غولدن ستايت ووريورز.
لم يكن لدى الجماهير الهائلة التي كان يؤديها من قبل أي وسيلة لمعرفة ما كان يمر به.
يقول:"كنت أخرج إلى هناك وأقفز ، وأمضي في الحركات ، وأصافح وأبتسم". "ثم سأعود وأزحف في سريري وأموت".
المرض العقلي لا يختار المفضلة. يكمن الاكتئاب السريري والقلق والإرهاق والحرمان من النوم. ذات يوم في جولة ، شنوا هجومًا شاملاً. استيقظ مع ما يصفه بغيمة قاتمة فوق رأسه. استغرق الأمر شهورًا قبل أن تتبدد ، لكن بقي أمامه تسعة أيام أخرى ليقدم عروض للآلاف. بالنسبة له ، كان الأمر أشبه بارتداء قناع ولعب شخصية للجمهور.
يقول:"كان الأمر كما لو كنت زومبيًا". "كنت هناك ، لكنني لم أكن هناك. كان الأمر كما لو كنت أعاني من تجربة الخروج من الجسد. لم يكن لدي أي وظيفة أو إحساس حقيقي بالواقع. لقد كان مكانًا مظلمًا حقًا ".
استدار ليكري الاجتماعي والصادر عادة إلى الداخل. بدلاً من أن تكون حياة الحفلة ، جلس بهدوء في الزاوية.
"كانت قطعة الاكتئاب فظيعة للغاية ، لكنها لم تكن منهكة مثل القلق الحاد. كان القلق مروعًا فقط. لم أتمكن حتى من مغادرة المنزل ، فقد كان الأمر معوقًا ، "يقول ليكراي. "كان هذا هو الأدنى. كان الأمر كما لو أنني أردت فقط أن أموت ".
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ولد Lecrae وترعرع في هيوستن ، لكنه تحرك كثيرًا ، وهبط في دنفر ، وسان دييغو ، ودالاس ، وممفيس ، ومؤخراً أتلانتا. كافح عندما كان مراهقًا ، متورطًا في المخدرات والسرقة الصغيرة وعصابة محلية. من خلال إصرار والدته وجدته ، وجد الأمل من خلال كنيسة محلية ، حيث التقى بزوجته المستقبلية ، دراج. لقد أصبحت نقطة تحول.
ذهب ليكراي للدراسة في جامعة شمال تكساس ، حيث التقى واشر. بدأوا العمل مع الأطفال في مركز احتجاز الأحداث المحلي. Lecrae ، ثم مجهول ، سيعزف موسيقاه. أشارت ردود أفعال الأطفال إلى شيء مهم. لكن العلامات التجارية الكبرى في أوائل العقد الأول من القرن الحادي والعشرين لم تكن مهتمة بموسيقى الهيب هوب المسيحية. If the duo were going to get the music out into the world, they would have to do it themselves. In 2004, Reach Records was born, and its artists began performing at churches around the world. Almost two decades years later, it remains a respected name in both Christian hip-hop and the mainstream music industry.
“I saw him being able to take the art form of rap and sanctify it with truth and yet with relevancy for a generation that was tuned into it,” says Tony Evans, a Dallas pastor and Lecrae’s early mentor. “Even though I wasn’t into the genre for myself, I certainly could see its impact for the next generation.”
After being featured on a BET Hip Hop Awards Cypher in 2011 and working with producer Don Cannon on a mixtape, Church Clothes (which was downloaded more than 100,000 times in 48 hours) things moved quickly for Lecrae. Soon, he began working with big names, such as Big K.R.I.T, Paul Wall, Waka Flocka Flame, Ty Dolla Sign and John Legend.
On top of the music, he remained committed to making a difference in the lives of others. On the day his Anomaly album was released, Lecrae was privately meeting at a coffee shop to discuss opening a Christian elementary school in Atlanta.
It was during the tour supporting Anomaly that Lecrae had a breakdown. Too often these stories end with the entrepreneur or artist crashing and burning. Too often, we’re talking about someone’s second act after they’re forced to sell their first company, get divorced or check into rehab. For Lecrae, faith, community, vulnerability and rest proved enough.
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“I think sometimes physical presence matters, sometimes you need someone to put their hand on your shoulder and hug you and see you face to face.” says Adam Thomason, Lecrae’s longtime friend.
When Lecrae began confiding in him. Thomason showed up at Lecrae’s door in Atlanta. Lecrae had never met his biological father, so it was difficult to be vulnerable and open with friends like Thomason. When Thomason showed up on his doorstep, it was a welcome, if shocking, sight.
“I had never experienced that level of friendship where someone sees you at your lowest and they’re going to make every effort to be present,” Lecrae says. “I didn’t know what to expect being transparent with my friends.”
Coupled with therapy and a deeper dive into his faith, Lecrae began to turn in the right direction with Thomason’s support. He consumed as many books and videos as he could to figure out how to pull himself out of the pit. The answer, it turned out, wasn’t in doing more hard work, it was in stopping.
“I had always known I was overworking myself, but I didn’t know it had any real consequences. I had a fear of being idle, but I didn’t know it had mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences,” Lecrae says. “The Sabbath was created because we are hard-wired to think we are in control. It’s like God is saying ‘I just want to remind you that you are not in control, so sit down and trust me. The world won’t end if you stop.’ ”
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Lecrae had two choices. No one outside his close friends had any idea he’d gone through this time. He didn’t lose a job, check into rehab, have his marriage fall apart, get arrested, go on a social media rant or any of the typical public breakdowns that plaster the tabloid covers. This battle was, for the most part, a private one. He could have gotten to work on his next album with Columbia and used it to share the same messages he’s been sharing his whole career.
But Lecrae has never been one to do what was expected of him. He’s built a career by reaching people who are in distress. He turned his pain into art that could help people. He got to work on his latest album Restoration ؛ a book, I Am Restored:How I Lost My Religion but Gained My Faith ؛ and a documentary series, The Road to Restoration , filmed by Thomason.
Lecrae left Columbia Records to focus on Restoration, which features John Legend, BJ the Chicago Kid, YK Osiris and Kirk Franklin. It netted him another Grammy nomination and included some of the biggest hits of his career.
“Our scars show wounded people that healing is possible,” Lecrae says. “I wanted to give people hope that God had begun healing my wounds. I may walk with a limp the rest of my life, but there’s some healing that was done that has changed me.”
This article originally appeared in the July/August 2021 issue of SUCCESS magazine.
Photo courtesy of Lecrae Moore
